The Gay List – Graeme Taylor

A young man named Graeme Taylor has made the top of my gay list; things that inspire me.

I was recently researching gay teen depression and suicide and there was a heart breaking moment when I read a quote from a family who had lost their gay son to suicide:

“Our hope is that our family’s personal tragedy will serve as a call for compassion, empathy and human dignity”

After seeing that quote I cracked and had to take a break. I walked around London listening to ‘Firework” crying, tears cued by the line:

“If you only knew what the future holds, after a hurricane comes a rainbow”

In my mind, the best thing we can do to help prevent gay youth suicide is to arm our young people with knowledge, understanding and the skill to critically think and openly speak for themselves.

I believe we must encourage emotional intelligence in children and young people. Let them say “I think…” and “I feel…” and as adults we must seriously consider what they say. When we treat young people as equal, we enable the human dignity inherent in them.

What I find incredible about the video with Graeme Taylor is the gentle grace in which he puts his arguments. This young man moves me with the eloquence of his words, spoken purely from the heart. When Taylor, 14, talks of attempting suicide at 9 years of age you realise he has overcome his tragedy and turned it into a source of strength.

Taylor is a shining example of how much we can learn from young people when we give them space to express themselves. The world could certainly do with more young gay people like this, and in Taylor’s words:

“Everyone has a voice and some people are kinda scared to go out there and share it, but when you do it’s a wonderful thing.”

If you ever need someone to talk to, you can contact Lifeline (in Australia) or the Victorian Gay and Lesbian Switchboard from 6pm to 10pm each night.

The Gay List – Pixar

While I’ve been on the road, I’ve had hours to ponder the great mysteries of life.

Sometimes travelling on your own can get you down. So I like to keep a list of things that inspire, uplift and encourage me. Life is always going to be an up and down mix of good and bad, but if you look to the wonderful moments, you’ll find yourself buoyed and you’ll be able to ride out any dark storm.

Today I added to my list the video Pixar has just released for It Gets Better. It is an amazing, wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous video.

Your Smile Is The Cause For JOY

The gleam of innocence, now long lost, shines in my 21 year old eyes. With Marg Gardner and Paul Terdich.

A year ago today I handed over community radio station JOY 94.9 to incoming General Manager Danae Gibson.

When I became the station’s acting General Manager I was the youngest and its longest serving staff member at the time. At the 2009 Annual General Meeting and I gave a speech that was the culmination of 5 years experience with the organisation I’d joined as a bright-eyed 21 year old; it was a special moment.

I recently came back from a conference, which asked “how do we build resilience into our communities?” Coming from a Vietnamese background I know that a common traumatic experience can bring people together to make them strong and enable them to survive against all odds. As a people we suffered several great wars.

While the gay and lesbian community hasn’t had a war per say, we’ve had plenty of battles. The ones I want to talk about today are the personal ones. I’m talking about our coming out experiences. That period of time when we struggle to build a life outside the norm and connect with our community for the first time. Each of us have had different ones, but we have faced this common trauma.

Growing up I was very aware of the power of radio to bind people together – hold entire communities and connect them. SBS Vietnamese radio was like a religion on my household, it was the thing the bound us to our lost home. I believe that JOY is the temple of our queer community. It binds all of us here, together.

As you know, this year has been a big one for JOY. There have been big changes. We’ve stepped up to the challenge and there have been clear results. New partnerships, new programs, new awards, new studios, new adventures ahead with our 16th birthday around the corner.

It’s not all been smooth sailing. There have been difficult times and hard decisions to make. But how we come together to tackle them is what proves our salt. Makes us strong. Makes us resilient. Makes us greater than the sum of all our parts.

We are on the cusp of more great change. As we turn 16, like a true teenager, have become aware of the power we possess and are now learning how to wield it. The launch of QNN indicates that we are national. At the same time we need to be aware and concerned about what happens rurally and regionally too. We will also always remain staunchly local.

Today, I want to share with you what makes me resilient. Stories are gifts and today I want to give back something in thanks for the great gift given to me 10 years ago, when I turned 16.

I was a young Catholic boy in suburbia from a Vietnamese background (patriarchal society, living for the family, having sons to carry on the name) – yet I had a crush on a boy in class. I hadn’t yet added this up to equal “being gay” and so anger, isolation, fear and suicide filled my every day thoughts. I wanted to be free of a torment I didn’t undestand.

Channel surfing on the wireless one day I found that freedom. Hearing another young man say on air that he too had a crush on a boy in class was an awakening. Freedom, euphoria, pure joy. JOY for me in that moment was life changing and life saving radio.

I believe in this organisation because of the amazing work we do. I believe that we give people a safe space for emotional self expression and exploration. For listeners struggling with their sexuality or in the process of coming out, JOY can give them a whole new lease on life. It certainly gave me mine.

Yet, my story is only one among thousands. Among millions to come. Thank you everyone for carrying the important message of JOY. We’ve done some great work and made 16 years of fabulous radio. Here’s to 16 more!

Now I leave you with a quote from reknowned Vietnamese Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh “JOY sometimes is the cause for your smile. Your smile is the cause for JOY.”

Đồng Tính Luyến Ái Project – Part 1

"Art is the lesser sister to medicine. It aims to heal." - Andrew Lam, gay Vietnamese writer

I’m working on an 8 part radio series focussing on the Vietnamese gay and lesbian queer community.

The project is in the early stages of planning and I’m looking for Vietnamese gay and lesbian people to interview. I would love if you can support the project by spreading the word. A call out was posted on Source Bottle; if you know anyone suitable, please let me know:

Seeking gay and lesbian Vietnamese people to share their coming out experiences for an 8 part radio documentary for queer radio station in Melbourne. You could be in Vietnam, Vietnamese born and immigrated overseas or of Vietnamese descent – we are looking for a broad diversity of people and stories. You don’t have to be gay either – we’re also looking for the perspective of those who are supportive, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, family and friends.

The interview can be conducted in English or Vietnamese as the show will be presented in both Vietnamese and English and your interview will be translated.

The radio documentary is an expose on Vietnamese gay and lesbian communities and will look at how the culture, society, politics and sociodemographic you’re most closely associated with affects your opinion or outlook on being gay / lesbian.

As this is all audio based, anonymity can be provided at your request, we will use audio distorting software to protect your identity. If anonymity is not an issue a photo may be requested in order to form part of the online and print press promotion of the project. You will be requested to fill in consent forms for use of your story and / or image.

In case you’re wondering about the Vietnamese in the title of this post, it translates to “same sex” (a term I learnt from SBS radio) and have decided to use as the working title for the project.

Fear of Freedom

I find it deliciously ironic that I was robbed at Lenin Square in Hanoi.

One day in Vietnam, I switched off all my online profiles.

My Facebook, Twitter and other online profiles were made private, suspended or deleted. It seems a bit melodramatic, but at the time I was petrified. I think it’s a bit silly actually, because looking back, I can declare with certainty that:

• I have never made any comments of a seditious nature against the Vietnamese Government
• I have never participated in any acts of dissidence against the Vietnamese Government
• I have not joined any groups with an interest in overthrowing the Vietnamese Government

So why did I panic and go underground?

It comes back to what used to be my ‘greatest fear’; to be lost in a foreign country with no job, no money, no contacts.

My wallet was stolen in Hanoi and I thought everything was fine (I froze my cards, had emergency cash and my precious passport), but things got weird when I was emailed by a ‘concerned mother’ who wanted to return my wallet. It was an obvious (and common) scam and I knew better than to fall prey.

I made it clear I wasn’t going to hand over my cash, but they started to harass me on Facebook. That’s when I freaked out. The blackmailers were one degree of separation away from my blogs and twitter. In my wallet was also my hotel card and my Australian address. My online and physical presence was known.

I was worried about my tweets because they could have been misinterpreted. In Australia we challenge the status quo as we wish, but in Vietnam there is no such thing as peaceful dissidence and one does not simply challenge the the Government.

Despite many young Vietnamese telling me ‘do as you wish here, it’s a free country’ there is a big difference to the Australian interpretation of the word ‘freedom’.

Having said that, the need to be careful of what you tweet is not just something you should be wary of in the East. In London there have been two cases of arrest and prosecution over a Tweet. All over the world it seems like freedom of speech is fast fading.

An Open Letter to Addam Stobbs

Flower near the Vinh Moc Tunnels, "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." - The Emperor of China, Disney's Mulan.

Hi Addam,

Well, I’ve made it to London. It’s rather strange to think that just a year ago I was handing over the station and taking off the ‘big cheese’ hat. Gosh, it was a tough time. We went through a bit together didn’t we? And all those grant applications!

I think it was the first time in years I think that we’d truly worked together. Til then, we didn’t have too many chances to work together as ‘equals’ – you were always a bit awkward calling me your ‘radio baby’ and it was odd for me to be staff and tell you how to present for radiothon (doubly hard because you hated radiothon!).

You’ve been on my mind. Especially while travelled in Vietnam. I had difficulty putting pen to paper during my months there. I lacked some direction; I’ve let you down in a way. I guess it’s my fault for saying I’d do it for you, otherwise I could walk away and no one would be any wiser!

So the 8 part radio series on gay and lesbian Vietnam still is no more than an idea right now. I’d wanted to get it done in three months. It took longer than expected to learn the language and converse naturally with the locals, but I was also so guarded when I finally made contact.

It was really hard to be in Vietnam during the CBAA Conference this year, especially because I knew you weren’t there either. You were at every conference I’ve been to and always made memorable comments. My strongest memory was when you spoke for the 2007 youth session.

You’d prepared an interesting talk where you took out of your bag the different components that are now embedded in a mobile phone; a camera, an alarm clock, a vibrator. Shock and awe was always your tactic! The end of your talk certainly shocked me.

You were talking about all the students that you’d taught at the station’s Foundation for Young Australian’s course (some 70 of us, many of whom went onto careers in media) and finale was to say that there were three students you’ll always remember because those “three students are dead”.

I’ve spent time thinking about that and it’s become a clear mission in my mind Addam, thanks to you, I will always remember to make celebratory gay and lesbian radio, so we can inspire a society of acceptance, appreciation and love, where no more young lives will be lost to depression and suicide.

Gays don’t deserve tolerance. We deserve respect, equality and love.

Addam, in the spirit of ‘the universe provides’ please help me get this project going again. You’ve given me the skills that is required to produce this series. It will be done! For you, me and all the Vietnamese gays who are waiting to share their stories.

I hope you’ll be proud. Addam, I miss you. RIP.

So Hungry I Could Eat A Zebra

Om nom nom nom nom.

The Asian leg of my world tour is almost over.

One backpack, two feet, three months travelling, four languages spoken, five cities seen and I’ve learnt more about the world than I would have reading 6 million books.

Funnily, my biggest indulgences in Vietnam was books. At only 20,000d or $1AUD / USD (because it’s the same right of exchange now, hurray!) each, you have to try really hard not to buy a whole library. Its too hot to go out in the middle of the day, so it’s best just sitting indoors wiling away the hours with a book.

One book has hundreds of parables with a cast of villagers in an ancient town; the wicked money lender, the lazy mandarin, the overworked apprentice,  the stupid farmer, the cunning trickster, the clever wife, the prankster child, the wise scholar, the sagely judge and the heavenly deity who restores order deus ex machina.

I remember stories from when I was very young. The tales are used by croons to teach their grandchildren about morals and how to live an honest life. I’m going to retell one as an example:

Our tale begins with a very wealthy man who enjoys more riches than can be spent in a hundred lives, yet he counts every penny of his fortune, guarding it jealously. One day an dear, old friend from the next village visits him.

The miserly host laments, “It’s so unfortunate that you’ve traveled far to see me and I can’t even invite you to stay for dinner. I have no food!”

His friend replies, “Ah, I tell you what – we’ll slaughter the horse I rode on and have a feast for the whole village!”

Surprised, the rich man exclaims, ”Well let us have a king’s feast then! But how will you make the long trip home without your horse?”

The cunning friend retorts, “between old friends this is nothing, and with your permission, I’ll ride home on one of the several fat ducks I saw in your backyard.”